Before heading out in the pool, I hopped onto the scale to get a VERY nice surprise! I am down to 354.5. I was going back and fourth between 358 and 356 for the longest time. So it finally dropped and hopefully still dropping! I am so happy and proud that I am loosing. It is a great feeling when you see the scale say your loosing. I remember going on the scale at the doctors office back in January at 377. I was a very unhappy and depressed person. I am now better and dealing with it and I have a great support system and tools to help me.

I haven’t been to the gym in awhile with everything going on with my Mom. I am really nervous about leaving her alone. I fear that I will come home and see her dead on the floor. I know that is bad to be thinking, but it makes me very nervous. Maybe it will be a little bit better once she goes back to work. At least someone will be near her and I won’t have to worry. Of course I worry, but I know that shes not alone. I think once she goes back to work, I am going to set myself on a schedule and start following it. Along with the schedule, I also need to track everything involved with my weight loss such as what I am eating, what I am drinking and what work outs I am doing. I plan on bringing this with me when I see my trainer and my doctor so they can see what a fantastic job I am doing.

When I came home from the gym tonight, there was a message on the answering machine. I am SO glad I listened to it because I got a call back from one of the places I applied for last Sunday. It is actually a job that I want very badly. The position is a makeup artist. I feel I am very qualified for the position. I have over 6 years of experience, plus my personal experience of doing my own makeup and family and friends. So I am going to call the lady back tomorrow morning and hopefully schedule an interview. The awesome thing about it is that I get to wear a suit and heels to work everyday. Something I always dreamed about doing. I enjoyed working for home, but it tends to get lonely and boring at home. Plus paid blogging is not steady, unless your very lucky to find a website that is secure and doesn’t cut hours or hold on work. This is why I stopped doing paid blogging. I need steady work and income. Plain and simple.

I put my new theme up couple days ago. I really like it. I was having problems with the logo on top, and googled my issues and then I found the problem and was fixed! I was about to delete the theme because I couldn’t get it to work. I have 0 patience! I never gave up and kept trying until it was perfect! I really like it. I think its one of my best.

I am working on a fitness blog theme now. I got rid of my reseller package and just bought packages for my two domains I use a lot. I felt like I was wasting money on space I never used. So I have just enough space for what I need. I also changed my review sites name and location. Once completed I will share it on here.

This weekend Matt and I went to Best Buy to go look at water proof cameras. I seen Jenn’s beautiful underwater pictures and has inspired me to try it out. I found her camera online at Walmart for $100 dollars, but I rather buy it at the store then wait. So we went to check out Best Buy and all of theirs was like $200-$300 dollars. We are taking my nephew to a kiddie water park/kid rides sort of place in August and thought that this camera would really be great. They do sell waterproof camera’s there (because we went there last year and seen them for $10 a piece) so why not just buy the camera and use it. I just don’t have to use it in the pool or water, its still a regular camera. So I guess when the time gets closer, we will order it.

We also got two games for the Wii. One of them is a birthday present for Anthony. The other is Wii Resorts. Matt and I have been playing it all day. It was yucky and rainy all day so why not just relax and play! I didn’t feel well this morning, I missed church and is pretty upset about it . I really enjoy going, but I guess my stomach didn’t want to go!

Other then that nothing else exciting has been going on. I canceled my reseller package. I no longer need all that space. I only have this domain, my review site which is being taking over by a wordpress.com and Matthew’s blog. I also do have another website now that I am thinking about, but I plan on hosting that blog on wordpress.com as well and make the url go to the site. Once it expires with go daddy, I plan to just keep this domain and Matthew’s. At one point, I had over 11 domains! Wow.

How do you like the new theme??

I look back and if I did have my surgery June 2, 2010 it would have been very hard for me to visit my Mom in the hospital. I know that it wouldn’t be able to sit still knowing I am home and shes in the hospital. I would have been two weeks post opp if I did do it. If I did go to visit her in the hospital, I could have risked myself of picking up something. I know my Mom wouldn’t want that.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. I feel that I am completely alone and in the dark with this. Nobody understands how it feels to be in my situation. I am just a complete mess. I do have support from family and friends but most of them tried to talk me out of the surgery. How can you support me and be happy for me yet your totally against it?? I just don’t know what to do anymore.

I try to go to the gym at least 3 times a week and I do very good. I get to a point and then I sabotage it. I ALWAYS do this! I don’t know why I do this.  I want to be healthy, I want to be skinny and know I can go in any store and buy clothes.

My Mom’s situation has really taken me on a emotional roller coaster ride. I still can’t believe this has happen to her. She doesn’t eat bad, smoke or drink but yet she has a heart attack. Why?? I worry about her every single second of my life thinking that something seriously bad is going to happen. Why would God do this to such a good person? She doesn’t deserve at all.

I just think about when she was in the hospital and having all these machines hooked up to her. It makes me very upset. I picture myself in there very soon if I don’t do something now. I don’t want to be hooked up to different machines helping me to live. Its not fair to Matthew or any of my family or friends. I guess the point I am trying to make is that I don’t EVER want to be put in the same position my Mom is. I really think if I am going to do this (whether it be by surgery or not) I need the support of my family and friends. I know that everyone doesn’t approve of me having surgery (if I decided) but would you rather me being hooked up to machines or would you want me to be healthy and be happy. I know that I can’t make everyone happy, I heard this lesson when Matthew and I were getting married.

I also think that along with surgery or I do it by changing my diet and working drastically, I need to see someone to help me with my emotional eating habits. If you don’t find out why your doing it, there will be no progress. This is why I really like Jillian Michaels because shes a big believer in this. If you think about it, it does make sense to find out why your like this.

I am sorry that this blog wasn’t my typical blog, but I just need to vent or it was me crying my eyes out. I think I made the better choice.

I am still working on my flickr project. I deleted all the photos on flickr and re uploaded all of them one size. I also watermarked certain sets as well. I learned my lesson from someone stealing my picture. I still need to watermark our photography and then upload it. I just can’t find the time to upload and do other things. I am always out doing something. Whether its with my Mom, Matthew or I am at the gym I can’t find time to do anything for me.

I am really glad that I re uploaded the pictures because it gave me time to organize my nephew’s pictures into years. I just had them all over in folders. Now there under each year the picture was taken. I also made copies of them and stuck them away should something happen and my computer dies. You never know when your computer will stop working, so take it from me backup everything!!

I know that I mention that Matthew and I are wanted to get iphones, but I am really thinking about just staying with Verizon and trying out a Android phones. We are both allowed to get new phones as of January 2011, so hopefully they will come out with something new. Preferably one with a keyboard. I am starting to dislike phones that are touch screen. I hate cleaning it 50 times a day!

Matthew and I changed the room around. We have so much more space its crazy! We had very little space before and now we have lots of space. I am planning on doing a updated vlog and include a look of the room. I will try to get it up soon. I love my corner desk. It is my favorite thing in the room!

I have deleted all my photo in flickr and re up loaded them. I re sized them and some of them I watermarked because I had someone steal a picture of ours and used on a popular website. Even if I was to contact them, I know they would deny it and if I went beyond that to get a lawyer it would be too much just to get a picture off. So any photography photos or celebrity pictures get watermarked. No more stealing our pictures!

Our room looks so different! We have a lot more space too. We are both super dead tired of moving stuff around. Lack of sleep is no good! It really takes a toll on your body. I hope to get some more sleep soon. Maybe after doing 6 loads of wash I will take a nap.

Saturday we got the car inspected. I am so grateful it passed. I was worried it wouldn’t, but it did. We went to Kohls to get a graduation gift and a bridal shower gift. I was at Kohls early this week looking at the bridal shower gift I wanted to get. I couldn’t pick it up so Matthew helped me lift it and he also got me a new purse for our anniversary. I have been getting a lot of compliments on the bag too. I was eying it up when I first seen it along with a bunch of other goodies like a hello kitty watch and one of those ihomes for itouch or iphone.

Sunday we went to church. I got baptized Sunday morning. That water was so cold. Put it actually felt nice once I went outside and it was very hot. We had lunch at my favorite restaurant, Ruby Tuesday and then we went home.  Graduation party was very nice. Lots of food there and I was very careful what I ate. I didn’t want to blow my diet. I didn’t even have cake! Go me!

Monday was our 7th year wedding anniversary. I still can’t believe how we met. Some people are really iffy about meeting people online. I guess if we ever have kids, we will have to come up with a story other then meeting up online. I also had another online long distance relationship before when I was 16, but obviously it didn’t work because we were too young and too far away.

We redid the bedroom like I mention. Everything looks so different. I can’t believe the space we have in the bedroom. I should have took a before and after picture of the room. I am in love with my new computer desk. Everything fits so nice and everything has its own spot. I still need to fix up a few things, but that will get done in time. I will post a picture or maybe do a updated video and share with you guys our new room.

So I am sitting downstairs in the basement just hanging out and doing laundry. I counted I did about 6 loads of wash already with one more to go. Since my brother moved out, it will be one less person to wash for. I rather get it all done now, then have to do some everyday. Even though its super hot outside, I like to veg around and watch tv, go on the computer or do some workouts with my wii!

So today I went to the gym and the scale read that I am 2 pounds lighter! Oh this made me so happy. I am so excited that I lost those two pounds and now my body better watch out because I am going to turn into a gym freak! I am planning on going to the gym at least 5 times a week. I am sick and tired of feeling like this. I need to stop feeling bad about myself and stop feeling depressed. Get up and GO to the gym!

I have been feeling upset and depressed because I didn’t go through with the surgery, but more that I think about it I am glad I didn’t. One major reason why I am glad is that I wouldn’t be able to visit my Mom in the hospital because your suppose to stay away from hospitals when your recovering. That would just not stand right with me. It would have been super hard and depressing even more knowing my Mom is having surgery and I can’t be there.

So I was so lucky to find a great website called Myfitnesspal.Com. It is so freaking awesome! I happen to see some people on my facebook use it. So I decided to check it out, see what it is all about. I liked what I seen and signed up. I am not being paid to submit this link, it is a great tool for weight loss. Everyone on there is so nice and supportive! That is what I need, support!

I hope to be down to 349 VERY soon!!!!

I decided to change my laptop area to my makeup area yesterday. Well tomorrow it is going back to the laptop area. Sitting in bed with my laptop is serious hurting my back. I have been trying to stretch it out and not make it hurt. As much as I love the makeup area, my back is hurting too much. I don’t have space for my laptop anywhere in the room besides the bed. So I will change things over tomorrow. My back will thank me soon!

Next Monday is our 7th year wedding anniversary. I am pretty excited! Sure doesn’t seem like 7 years. We have gone through thick and thin and sickness and in health plenty of times. I love my husband very much! Smooches for him.

I still can not believe this blackberry still works! Its my baby and I cherish it with all my heart. I have been searching for some spiffy themes for it, but have not found anything that has really caught my eye.